234 Movies Like The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023) (Page 16)

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At one point in The Whale, Brendan Fraser’s Charlie —  a morbidly obese, reclusive teacher — describes an act of abject cruelty as “not evil” but “honesty.” Darren Aronofsky seems to believe the same about his movie, but alas, he's gravely misled, because The Whale is flooringly glib. From the outset, the film actively and incessantly tries to choreograph audience disgust for Charlie, all so that it can pull off a manipulative “he’s human, actually” swing later on — a “twist” that won’t work if you, you know, already accept people’s humanity irrespective of their appearance. 

Cinematography, makeup, and score all conspire to paint Charlie as grotesque: the camera laboriously over-emphasizes his size and mobility issues, while histrionic music chimes in to frame trivial moments (like Charlie reaching to pick something up from the floor) as grand, tragic dramas. Even if you ignore all its needless cruelty, The Whale — which is adapted from a play — can never shed its stagy origins: the writing frequently reaches for transcendence, but its efforts are as subtle as its evidently retroactively-shoehorned-in-title. If it’s as sincere as it purports to be, this is one of the worst movies of recent years, and if it’s not — which is almost preferable — then it’s a landmark exercise in trolling.

Genre: Drama

Actor: Allison Altman, Brendan Fraser, Hong Chau, Jacey Sink, Lance Oppenheim, Sadie Sink, Samantha Morton, Sathya Sridharan, Ty Simpkins, Wilhelm Schalaudek

Director: Darren Aronofsky

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Bogged down by a platonic best friendship with a suspicious lack of communication and the repetitive use of tacky nicknames, Seasons never gains enough momentum to justify 108 minutes of uninteresting romance tropes. Carlo Aquino and Lovi Poe's chemistry is overshadowed by the glaring mound of unoriginal dialogue and drawn-out story. The lack of awareness and childish antics that culminate at the tail-end of a 15-year-long friendship are more disappointing than believable. With no external (or personal) struggles of their own, every sequence reinforces how flat and underdeveloped our leads are, as if they only engage with the world when close to, or thinking about, each other. Love-me/Love-me-not is never enough to carry the film.

Genre: Drama, Romance

Actor: Carlo Aquino, Christian Ty, Ivan Carapiet, Jolo Estrada, Lovi Poe, Ron Angeles, Sarah Edwards, Sheenly Gener

Director: Easy Ferrer

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Sight is based on the extraordinary life of Dr. Ming Wang, a Chinese immigrant who fled Communist China and revolutionized his field of ophthalmology in the West. Because of his hardships, he’s sympathetic to the needy and often takes pro-bono cases. In the movie, he even helps partially restore a little girl’s sight, which was cruelly taken from her by an abusive stepmom. Obviously, Wang’s story is rife with intrigue, inspiration, and drama, but this film by Director Andrew Hyatt does him no justice. There is no conflict nor tension to be found here, no exciting twists or turns—just a perfectly bland story whose ending anyone could guess. The performances could’ve elevated it, but Terry Chen, who plays Wang, never compels. To be fair, he doesn’t seem to have a lot to work with; he’s just an all-around good guy who doesn’t find the need to grow past anything. But even in the simplest scenes, his delivery seems wooden, almost like he, too, is unconvinced by the strength of his lines. Looking equally bored is a squandered Greg Kinnear, whose presence makes me wonder whether he has some debts he needs to settle. But even if Chen and Kinnear gave it their all, it’s hard to imagine Sight as anything more than a lazy attempt to retell an inspiring true story.

Genre: Drama, History

Actor: Aaron Paul Stewart, Ben Wang, Danni Wang, Donald Heng, Fionnula Flanagan, Greg Kinnear, Jennifer Juniper Angeli, Ken Godmere, Mia SwamiNathan, Natalie Skye, Raymond Ma, Sky Kao, Terry Chen, Wai Ching Ho

Director: Andrew Hyatt

Rating: PG-13

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An interesting premise quickly sputters out in Fool’s Paradise, writer-star Charlie Day’s misfire of a directorial debut. Day plays a down-and-out Charlie Chaplin-esque mute who happens to be a dead ringer for a difficult method actor (also Day) who’s stalling production on a Billy the Kid remake — and so he’s brought in by the movie’s producer (Ray Liotta) to star instead. 

The rest of Fool’s Paradise follows in this vein, as things just happen to Latte Pronto (as he comes to be named). There’s wry satirical potential in this set-up: a lot can be revealed about someone (in this case, the self-serving stars, agents, and directors of Hollywood) by what they project onto a blank slate like Latte. The problem, however, is twofold: Fool’s Paradise doesn’t have anything especially sharp to say about the biz — and, in the absence of clever or indeed funny writing, the film’s weak center is exposed. Day’s wordless performance is understated to a fatal degree; presumably designed to highlight the ridiculousness of the Hollywood players he’s surrounded by, it only shows up the weakness of the material and the unfocusedness of some of the key supporting performances. Maybe the movie would’ve fared better had some of its other characters been silent instead.

Genre: Comedy

Actor: Adrien Brody, Aixa Maldonado, Alanna Ubach, Allison Paige, Andre Hyland, Andrew Leeds, Andrew Santino, Artemis Pebdani, Austin Zajur, Benito Martinez, Brett Wagner, Charles Grisham, Charlie Day, Christine Horn, Common, David Hornsby, Dean Norris, Drew Droege, Edie Falco, Eliza Coleman, Eric VanArsdale, George Lopez, Glenn Howerton, Harry Yi, Helen Geller, Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, Jeremy Chu, Jillian Bell, Jimmi Simpson, John Ales, John Malkovich, Julia Cho, June Carryl, Justin Jedlica, Kate Beckinsale, Katherine McNamara, Ken Jeong, Lance Barber, Leandra Terrazzano, Leonora Pitts, Lindsay Musil, Lisa Schwartz, Luvh Rakhe, Lyndon Smith, Marilyn Giacomazzi, Mary Elizabeth Ellis, Moses Storm, Peter MacKenzie, Ray Liotta, Ricky Wang, Robert Belushi, Romel de Silva, Roy Jenkins, Scott Allen Perry, Scott Pitts, Shane Paul McGhie, Steve Coulter, Steve DeCastro, Talia Tabin, Thomas Vu, Tom Beyer

Director: Charlie Day

Rating: R

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It’s got a main character, 10-year-old Tochtli (Miguel Valverde Uribe), with the most unforgettably forgettable idiosyncrasies. The emotional anchor of this whole thing is entirely dependent on our inclination to be protective of children, but it gives surface level characterization of both the young boy and his father Yolcaut (Manuel Garcia-Rulfo). The most interesting thing it almost pulls off is the father trying to reconcile his commitment to his son and to being macho, but it’s barely a chapter in this 2-hour story. It has some potential with the teachings and aphorisms, but it never really leans into it. It fails four different times, never with fireworks.

Genre: Comedy, Drama

Actor: Alfredo Gatica, Daniel Giménez Cacho, Debi Mazar, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo, Mercedes Hernández, Miguel Valverde, Pierre Louis, Raúl Briones, Teresa Ruiz

Director: Manolo Caro

Rating: R

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Despite a solid premise that should lead to compelling drama—about men scarred by war and the morally grey inner workings of the police—Confidential Informant devolves into a half-baked thriller that's as dull as its title. Flat direction, a lack of connective tissue between scenes, and an unfortunately visible lack of production resources suck the life out of the script and from the actors' performances. There's clearly a foundation to be built upon here, but the film makes a crucial mistake in trying to have its cake and eat it too: it wants to deliver all the (unsatisfying) thrills of an antihero police procedural, but it just doesn't have the money or the creativity to do this, on top of being a character drama. And so any tension that it tries to build up deflates by the end, its characters nothing but hollow shells, stuck in a story that that never gives them a chance to be anything more interesting.

Genre: Action, Crime, Mystery, Thriller

Actor: Arielle Raycene, Camila Savia, Dominic Purcell, Erik Valdez, Jon Lindstrom, Kate Bosworth, Meadow Williams, Mel Gibson, Nick Stahl

Director: Michael Oblowitz

Rating: R

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Hallmark movies aren't automatically bad if they're cheesy and on the cheaper side; there are ways to make these characteristics work, of course. But these qualities definitely don't help if the story they're telling is uninteresting and if the actors in front of the camera couldn't be compelled to deliver convincing emotions if their lives depended on it. Watching Gilded Newport Mysteries: Murder at the Breakers kind of feels like watching people rehearse a family-produced parody of an Agatha Christie novel, or like visiting Westworld and seeing the robots play-act a fictional scenario. Every line over-explains everything that happens on screen, and the mystery elements just aren't coherent enough for them to lead to a satisfying conclusion or interesting statement about the characters and their world.

Genre: Drama, Mystery, TV Movie

Actor: Aisling Goodman, Alissa Skovbye, Amira Anderson, April Telek, Ava Telek, Cesare Scarpone, Danny Griffin, David Beairsto, Geoff Gustafson, Gillian Barber, James Drew Dean, John Prowse, Katherine Evans, Madeleine Kelders, Mark Humphrey, Nathan Witte, Sebastian Greaves

Director: Terry Ingram

Rating: PG

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Making a heist so unoriginal and uneventful is a feat, and Gold Brick manages to do both without missing a beat. None of the characters are particularly interesting or distinct enough to remember their names. The idea of stealing from a big corporation (usually a solid setup) has no bite because the motivations feel hollow and unrealized. Most of the "ingenious" slight of hands and master plans don't impress or stick, and later plot points' payoffs stay as lackluster as their setups. Crisp, saturated cinematography is pleasant on the eyes but not enough to stop them from glazing over.

Genre: Comedy, Drama

Actor: Agathe Rousselle, Antoine Gouy, Bruno Lochet, Grégoire Colin, Igor Gotesman, Irina Muluile, Ludovik, Madeleine Baudot, Nicolas de Lavergne, Nina Meurisse, Raphaël Quenard, Slimane Dazi, Stéphan Wojtowicz, Youssef Hajdi

Director: Jérémie Rozan

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From the Ashes is based on the real life fire tragedy, but upon searching, Netflix hasn’t mentioned which exact fire it was talking about. It’s possibly inspired by the 2002 Mecca girls' school fire, with the strict all-girl’s school, the closed gates and unattended cigarette, but the film starts off with a disclaimer saying that the characters and certain aspects of the story are fictional. One would think, with the freedom the film granted itself through fiction, the film would dare to critique certain controversial aspects of the tragedy that needs to be talked about – like the implications of emergency services being hindered due to modesty, or whether the media speculation was fair, or even the lack of safety regulations that the school administration failed to implement. Instead, most of the film plays out like an investigation, seemingly placing blame on fictional students, you know, the victims, for being the reason one fictional student wasn’t able to escape. Sure, it’s all fiction, but this is just not right.

Genre: Drama, Thriller

Actor: Adwaa Fahad, Aisha Al Rifaie, Alshaima'a Tayeb, Darin Al Bayed, Khairia Abu Laban

Director: Khalid Fahad

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